


Keep It Tasteful

by alphagottadonk



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Crack, Derek and the Sheriff teaming up against Stiles, Humor, M/M, Sheriff Stilinski is Awesome, Stiles is an ass and Derek seeks revenge, drawing on faces
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-06
Updated: 2014-06-06
Packaged: 2018-02-03 15:09:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1749032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alphagottadonk/pseuds/alphagottadonk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles draws a penis on Derek's face. Derek gets revenge.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Keep It Tasteful

Derek should have known something was up after he got three different glares in the grocery store. One woman even pulled her kid away and shook her head at Derek like he was doing something so wrong in buying penne pasta. He frowned all the way through the checkout, through the way the cashier kept biting their lips like they were trying not to laugh whenever they looked up at Derek.  
  
He found out why as soon as he was back in the driver’s seat of his vehicle, turning the rear-view mirror to look at his reflection. On his jawline, just up over the hinge of it near his ear was a drawing in faded black marker, of a tiny anatomically correct penis.  
  
He clenched his hands on the steering wheel so hard it creaked, knowing immediately that this had to be Stiles’ doing because he was the only idiot in the pack who would actually take the time to try and draw it to resemble the actual thing. He must have drawn it during the last pack get together, which was two days ago. So he was walking around with a penis on his face for two days. He wanted to find that mom and apologize, tell her she had every right to give him the stink eye.  
  
He went home and put his groceries away, scrubbed the drawing off his face, and then headed over to Stiles’ with a permanent marker tucked away in his pocket. He was already in bed when Derek climbed through the window, book in hand and when he looked up at Derek, he grinned. That was definitely  his ‘I’m up to something and it’s at your expense’ smile, that Derek was unfortunately very acquainted with.  
  
He watched the way the look disappeared when Stiles noticed the lack of dicks on Derek’s face though, going to sit up but Derek was already across the room and pushing him back down.  
  
"Don’t kill me!"  
  
Stiles half shrieked, half laughed, batting at Derek before he grabbed his wrists and forced them down against his chest. He reached into his pocket and found the marker, uncapping it with his teeth and smirking at the way Stiles’ eyes widened.  
  
"Don’t you dare, I have school tomorrow. Derek, that’s a sharpie."  
  
He tried, but Derek wasn’t about to be swayed. He straddled Stiles’ waist when he started trying to thrash away from him, squeezing his arms to his side with his knees and grabbing Stiles by the chin to hold him still as he tried begging his way out of it.  
  
"A penis on my face, Stiles. For two days."  
  
He reminded him as he started scribbling in over his brows, giving him a unibrow and grinning as he gave him what looked like a mangy, uneven moustache that swooped up toward his cheeks. He even colored in his lips, which Stiles fought against, giving him a gaudy clown lipstick look.  
  
"You know, this is a nice look for you."  
  
He teased as Stiles tried bucking him off, letting out a loud yell when Derek started coloring in splotchy rings around his eyes and he was almost to the point of laughing over how ridiculous he looked when he heard the door open behind them, a gruff voice halting him.  
  
"What the hell is going on in here?"  
  
He turned to look over his shoulder to where the Sheriff was standing in the doorway, looking between the two incredulously. He slowly capped the marker and pushed himself off of Stiles, watching the way the Sheriff’s eyes boggled open and his jaw dropped when he got a good look at Stiles’ face.  
  
He turned to stare at Derek then, like he wasn’t sure if he wanted to ask if he was insane or be furious. Derek pursed his lips as he slipped the marker back into his pocket.  
  
"Downstairs. Now."  
  
He said in a sharp tone before turning and leaving the room. Derek should have noticed he was home, but the cruiser wasn’t in the driveway so he’d just assumed he was gone. He was probably going to toss Derek in jail for trespassing and somewhat assaulting his kid.  
  
"Oh my god, you are kidding me." Stiles hissed as he caught sight of himself in the reflection of his phone. "You really couldn’t have waited until the weekend? Or maybe until Dad wasn’t home?"  
  
He pushed Derek out of the room and downstairs, toward the kitchen table where the Sheriff was already sitting, rubbing at his temples tiredly. He barely managed to keep from laughing when he looked up and Derek knew it.  
  
He was ushered into a seat before Stiles plopped down in another, scrubbing at his face in an attempt to get rid of the drawings. Derek leaned against the chair when the Sheriff pointed at him threateningly, not even sure what to say.  
  
"He drew a penis on my face. I walked around with it for two days before I even noticed."  
  
He defended, watched the way Stiles’ father cupped a hand over his eyes murmuring, “Jesus christ, son. Really?”  
  
Stiles snorted in amusement and had the nerve to look delighted when Derek begrudgingly mentioned the part where mothers were looking at him like he’d crawled up from the pits of hell for it.  
  
"Well, at least you kept it tasteful," Stiles said, pretending to stroke the moustache drawn on his face. "Gotta at least give you that."  
  
Derek rolled his eyes and handed the marker over when the Sheriff asked for it, thinking it was a bit dumb to try confiscating a marker from him when he pulled the cap off and reached over the table. Stiles made a wounded noise as his dad colored over the moustache, shrugging nonchalantly.  
  
"What? You’re gonna be walking around with this crap on your face, at least make sure it’s even."  He said, thickening one half of the moustache to match the other. Derek couldn’t hold back the surprised bark of laughter when Stiles glowered over at him like he was wishing death on him for managing to not only get revenge, but pull his dad in on it too. 

**Author's Note:**

> come say hi at my [tumblr](http://www.larkspurleaf.tumblr.com)


End file.
